Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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