My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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