some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
