I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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