Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
