you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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