I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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