Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
