He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
