hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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