i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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