I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
