he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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