Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
