i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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