I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
