I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
