Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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