So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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