So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you inspire me to be a worse person
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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