i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you never un-have a 4some
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
