Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
