dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
