Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
