I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
