At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
