When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
