oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
