i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
