I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
