do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
