Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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