Will you blow on my dice?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
