the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
