I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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