im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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