Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
