he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
