i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just pee around me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
