I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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