we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
