the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
