oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize