It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
