I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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