You can't special order awesome
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
