Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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