your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Plan B is the new Plan A
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
