These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
