when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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