I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
