just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
