Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
