Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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