Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize