They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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