So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
