You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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