just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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