and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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