Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
