Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
