he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
