Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
