My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
