Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
