:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
